You Know...

I like Nancy Grace. I mean, bitch is crazy. That's a given. But there's something glorious about her voice. It reminds me of the whale noise audio I use to get to sleep. Ha, yeah right. The ocean scares the shit out of me. If I listened to fucking whales before I went to sleep, I'd have nightmares that would be scarier than if this bitch was your prom date.

No, but her voice actually does remind me of things that make me happy. For instance, my own voice! She speaks like I did when I was in kindergarten and I wanted to make the annoying kids cry. To be honest, I don't remember any of the shit I used to say to make the kids cry. But they do!

One bitch claims that I told her Frankenstein lived in the sandbox. First of all, who the fuck would be scared by that? Frankenstein isn't scary. He doesn't do anything. All he wants is to be loved. Second of all, the sandbox is fucking boring. Only assholes play in sandboxes. If I really did this, I would have said something way cooler. Like, Ed Gein lives in the sandbox and he's going to skin you alive and wear you like a pair of overalls! (It was the 90's)

Another bitch says that I tied her to a chair and told her that I killed her parents. First of all:

That's fucked up.

I'm a crazy bitch, but I'm not a serial killer. Unless you're a fucking centipede. FUCK CENTIPEDES.

But no. I mean, I probably did tie her to a chair, but it was probably to keep her from acting a damn fool! I had no tolerance for foolery when I was a child, and I usually tried to prevent other children from fooling. Tying them to chairs, locking them in closets, etc. Hey, if it keeps one less fool in my life, I'm happy!

I guess the point of this post is that I was the coolest kid ever.