Today I woke up feeling fat. So for breakfast, I ate one of those ass cheek size balls of mozzarella cheese. That was at like...9am (Eastern Time, or as I like to call it Theseventhlayerofhell Time, because it's so fucking hot over here on the east side that I'm worried everyone's going to start getting yeast infections [I'm kidding! I only get yeast infections from antibiotics unprotected sex{what?}]).
Math problems aside, I ate the cheese and now my day is looking pretty bleak. I can't really move because of said cheese, and the farting is making me really undesirable company for anyone (not true, my cat loves it). I think the only thing I can do is sit here by the fan and watch Hell's Kitchen. I love that show because it's the only show I've ever found on TV where every single assdouche actually gets their dick handed to them! There is none of that "getting away with shit" like they do on ANTM or Project Runway. I can't stand it when fuckheads get away with their fuckheadery!
Anyway, I'm pretty busy now, so I have to go.
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