Things I Have Done And Wonder If Anyone Else Has Done

I was sitting here pondering some things I have done in the past. Like, as a young child. I don't think they're that weird, but whatever. Check out this list and decide if you're a fucking weirdo too!

Some Things I Have Done:

- farted while looking at my butt in the mirror, to find out if you can see farts

- got a really bad cut, and then smeared the blood all over my face and took pictures of myself

- decided that since peeling dry Elmer's glue off my hand is so much fun, I should cover my whole arm in superglue because that would be SUPER fun

- played rape with Barbies

- played rape with Beanie Babies

- played rape with miscellaneous stuffed animals/figurines/dolls

- was read "The Little Match Girl" by my kindergarten teacher and decided I wanted to be just like her, so waited til my parents went to bed and put on a really thin nightgown and spent the night on the sidewalk with a box of matches pretending to be dead

- played rape with The Sims

- told kids on the playground that if they didn't do what I said, monsters would eat their families (it always worked!)

- ate chocolate chip waffles with whipped cream every morning for breakfast and never got fat

- locked this kid in a closet and left for like, 20 minutes, then came back and let him out and told him I saved his life

- knocked this kid out with a shovel and cut off his eyelids (haha! not really)

I can't think of anything else right now. I'm sure there are other things. I was the coolest kid!