It's Fuckin' Hot

It's 80 degrees right now and it's only 9 am.

BITCH PLEASE.

If the beach wasn't an evil subway trek away, I would go. But I can't! I'm a princess. Princesses should never have to ride the subway. A princess like me should get picked up in a limo made of roses and angel tears. Waiting for me inside the limo would be my friend Prentice (who is a sexy black stallion but he's gay, but in this fantasy he is NOT gay and he wants my vag [and Prentice, if you ever read this just pretend you didn't]) Justin Bieber (don't worry about it) and Tim Lincecum.

So I'm a healthy girl. I want a gay guy, an underage baby and a pitcher that's missing a front tooth.

After the limo picks me up, we go to Coney Island and have some sex, and then all three of them present me with engagement rings. How can I choose???

Spoiler alert: I don't choose and I marry all of them.