Let's Talk About Sex

Just kidding. Sex is gross.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about successful people. The truth about them is, none of them are any better at anything than anyone else. Take me, for example. I'm a genius at everything, and I'm not even famous.

Now, you might try to say it's because I'm lazy, and the successful people work hard to get where they are.

But that's because you're a dumb bitch so shut the fuck up!

There is only one reason some people are successful and some people are not. Let's start by spelling out the word success. I just did, but here it is again. S-U-C-C-E-S-S.

There are some words you can make out of that word.

SUE
SUES
USE
USES
CUE
CUES
CUSS

And if there are more, then guess what, no there aren't because I know everything.

But you know which words are absolutely NOT in there?

BODY. ODOR.

That's right bitches! The one thing keeping you from becoming successful is that stank ass stank that follows you around and hides in your armpits, underboobs, fupas, neckflaps, back rolls, knee dimples-

Holy shit. Some people are disgusting.

Anyway, the moral of this Shakespearean tragedy is that some of us are born with the most unfortunate of misfortunes. We just fucking smell bad.

AND SO:

To all you other talented smelly freaks out there, just stop trying. No one is going to fucking hire you for anything you want to do. So put on your Sunday best and go sit in the bathtub with a meatball sub and keep telling yourself how great you are, because no one else is ever going to, you smelly douchebag!