Key Foods

I love Key Foods. They have the best shit at the lowest prices. Fuck it. I buy all my shit there. But let me tell you something about the bitches that work there. THE BITCHES.

I swear on my life. There is no way to get out of that god forsaken place in less time than it takes to get a Vinnie's watermelon into Snooki's kooka. AKA FIVE HUNDRED YEARS (or longer).

Bitches take my shit, scan it, and then proceed to fuck it up somehow. They ALWAYS fuck that shit up. How fucking hard is it to scan a fucking box of pasta? Then they proceed to get SOOO confused. These bitches act like they never even graduated the womb. They're holding a single nectarine and they accidentally give me the price for fifty nectarines. They obviously need an override.

"Override."

No one responds.

"Override."

"Override."

"Override."

BITCH. Shut the fuck up! Fucking let me do it! No one can hear you! If you need a fucking override, you need to fucking yell it!!!! THIS IS A LARGE PLACE.

Every time I get up to the stupid check-out lane, those bitches seem to get in a fight with their boyfriends via text message and immediately leave the store. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I need this nectarine and you are going to sell it to me! Every time I get up to the front of the line to get my shit sold to me, they lose their shit. I swear to God. Every single one of them is like Brittany Murphy in 8 Mile. But less cool!