Memory Lane Trip!

I am currently eating a delicious breakfast consisting of nothing and a bowl of whipped cream. I swear to God, you can take this bitch to the best seventeen-star restaurant in SoHorrible (see what I did there?) and I will eat the freshest of sushis and the most extravagant beef loins, and I STILL will be happy with a bowl of whipped cream. God made cows so that we could swirl air into their nips and spray whipped cream all over our tongues. It's so delish.

Anyway, I'm sitting here with my bowl of sex and watching RHWOOC. I missed these bitches. The poopiest color of fake tans, the fakest of the fake titties and, surprisingly, the least alcoholic messes of the Bravo TV family of alcoholic messes.

Speaking from experience, it's pretty hard to drink all day and not be at least kiiiiiiind of a mess. We know this from Gorilla Juice Giudice, Ramona Rabid Eyeballs Singer and the Glamorous Brandi Glanville. This may come as a surprise, but I'm actually not going to mention Kim Richards, because her drinking isn't very funny anymore. See? I have emotions or something. Good luck, Kim.

Anyway, these bitches are always holding a goddamn wine glass. Occasionally, I don't even think it's wine. Bitches walk around with wine glasses full of vodka with red food coloring all the time. I don't actually know if that's true, but what a good fucking idea. These bitches never seem to get drunk. They drink and they drink and they make subdued hand gestures so as not to drop their wines, and they just never get wasted! They still have their game on to make total assholes of each other and talk about what whores the other ladies are. It's fun too because they're literally all whores.

I miss these dumb trannies. But I have to say, even though I am a die hard Orange Country superfan, the original birth place of the Real Uneducated Golddiggers of America, these bitches have nothing, and I mean NOTHING on Adrienne Maloof's face. Nothing.

Nothing.