Where the FUCK Is My iPod Charger?!

So annoying.

Anyway, I've been pretty hard on NYC for a while, and there are definitely a lot of other things that I hate just as much, so I'd like to talk about some of them.

One of my roommates is freaking out because there's a raccoon on the porch. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Raccoons are fucking everywhere. OH MY GOD he just fucking knocked on my door to tell me about it. Shut the fuck up. Oh my GOD he's still talking about it to everyone else! I hate him.

I hate foreign people that speak English but pretend they don't. I fucking know you do...

I hate people that hate cats. There is no fucking reason to hate cats. Unless you're a big stupid cat-hating fuck. Cats know you hate them and they can see ghosts and don't think they can't ask the ghosts to fuck with you. They can, and you're about to get fucked with by ghosts. Cats are not only the greatest pets ever, but they are also fucking Satanic freaks and they'll fucking kill you.

I hate people that took a foreign language in high school, and list it in their Facebooks as one of the languages they speak. You fucking suck at that language and you probably suck at English so shut the fuck up.

I fucking hate Hummers and if you drive one your soul is a swamp full of burning hags that also drive Hummers. This means that the souls of those hags are also swamps full of burning hags who have the same kinds of souls. Get it? Your fucking soul is an infinite swamp of burning hags that goes on and on forever so basically you are fucking terrible.

I hate it when you're doing laundry and your dad comes in and he's like, "What the fuck are you doing here!??! Go away!!!" and then you have to leave and your laundry is still in the fucking washing machine.

I hate it when you're hungry as fuck but not eating is so in right now so you can't eat.

I hate it when people with hideous makeup offer to do your make up and you so badly want to say, "If I wanted to look like a teen mom stripper working the graveyard shift at Sizzler I would just ask a person who actually is all of those things to do it for me." But that would be "mean" so you just say, "Omg makeup looks so bad on me lol you don't have to." And then you have to laugh and smile and pretend that you don't actually want to punch this bitch so hard that the frozen shrimps at Sizzler fall out of their shells.

I'm all out of hate at the moment (jk, I'm just bored of doing this) so I'm going to go watch Patti Stanger fuck the souls out of Jews and gay people. She probably hates black people too but I don't think I'm allowed to say "black people" on the internet.