A List of Wonderful Things!

Let's make a list! Here are some wonderful things:

When you walk up to a group of people talking shit, and there's a 50/50 chance they'll stop talking, which means they're talking about your fucking annoying ass, or they'll be like, "OMG LISTEN TO THIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!" which means it's about someone else, and the latter happens.

When you quit your job without any warning, and they send you $400 in the mail.

When you don't have an iPhone, and don't want an iPhone, and everyone's like "OMGGG iPHONE 5!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS GOD IT'S FINALLY HEEEERE JERK OFF!!!!!" but really it's just the iPhone 4S (who the fuck even knows what that means) and you're like bahahahahhaaa!!!!!

When you smoke cigarettes sometimes, but some people are actually addicted to them, but you're not, and they're like, I FUCKING HATE BEING ADDICTED TO THIS!!!!!! and you're like haha same. But you're not.

When you're driving and someone cuts you off and your road rage skyrockets and you're like FUCK NOOOO!!!!!!!!!! but then you pass them and see that they're actually just some super zoned-out old asian lady and you're like, awwww it's fine.

When you're in love with some guy and his girlfriend is ugly as hell.

When you're on an airplane and the turbulence is fucking out of control and everyone is freaking out and you sit there hella calm and then suddenly you stand up and raise your hands and yell, NOW YOU ALL BELONG TO MEEEE!!!!!!! I've never actually done that, but it would be so fucked up.

When someone super pretty tells you that you're super pretty, but you know they're only saying it because they want you to say it to them, and you just say, "Thank you" and walk away.

Haha, I got a littler happier just thinking about that one.

In conclusion, I'm a total cunt. Good day.