VIVA VIETNAM

Ho. Ly. SHIT.

Yesterday was the best day of my life. No, it wasn't because everyone in Manhattan turned into pillars of salt (damn you, Lot's nameless wife, for giving me false hope!) It was because every single customer that came into my place of business was from fucking Vietnam. Those ladies know how to hustle a bitch!

Well, not really. I mean, they hustle their tits off, but it doesn't really do any good because everything they say is batshit insane. Example!

There was a sign in the front of the store that said, "All sale items an additional 30% off!" FABULOUS. But leave it to these bitches to read the sign as, "EVERYTHING FOR FREE, LOOT THIS SHIT LIKE THE VIKINGS YOU ARE!"

The Vietnamese Hustlers come in and grab pants and shirts from all over the place and then they come up to me and our conversation goes as follows:

VH:  You give dis me I take fo free!
ME:  Um, that's not even what the sale is...
VH:  Okay, buy one get one free!
ME:  No, ma'am. If it's already on sale, then it's 30% off-
VH:  Okay, you do for me 70!
ME:  Ma'am, it's 30-
VH:  Okay, but this has hole! You do 50% off!
ME:  Ma'am, that hole is for your arm-
VH:  NO!!! BIG HOLE!! SEE???
ME:  -it's called a sleeve-
VH:  Okay, no problem, you do sale I take fo free.

Now, remember, everything the Vietnamese Hustler said is going to sound kind of like this. But not totally, because that guy is starting to whip up some Indian cab driver shit into that accent cake mix and it is not sounding super delicious. But that's the basic idea.

The reason I love these ladies is because they hustle and hustle and try to rip buttons off and get zippers stuck all in the name of a good bargain. But in the end, we never give in, and these bitches drop so much fucking money anyway it's like it never even mattered if it was on sale or not.

Keep shopping, ladies.