First one. I went to the bank to open a savings account. I've been getting way too much money since I started at the new corner, and I was getting kind of tired of storing it in my sideboob (papercuts) so I needed a place to put it all.
I sat down and the teller is like, "Um, ma'am, you have some seriously bad credit. We can't open an account for you."
Bitch. Please.
How can I have bad credit if I've never even had good credit? I've never had credit period so I know it can't be bad. Like sex. It can't be bad if it's never been good. And AIDS. If you've never had AIDS and you get it, then you just have AIDS. You can't get it and be like, "OMG I have the worst AIDS!" How would you know? You've never had good AIDS so shut the fuck up.
Anyway, I gave the teller my best "wanna find out if these teeth could rip your dick off?" smile and assured him that there was no way I could have bad credit.
He looked over his papers and laughed. He said, "OMG I'm sorry, I was looking at the credit report of the lady I was helping before you! Bitch had some bad credit LOL!" We both had a good laugh. Our laugh was especially good because the lady he had just helped was still standing right next to us looking for her keys or something. Awesome.
Another uncomfortable thing that happened this week was that I got all my tax returns done and I'm about to get a fuck ton of money. Just kidding, that's not uncomfortable, I'm just rich as shit.
I am tired of writing now. I am sorry.
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